The Silent Pressure to Perform “Okay”
Why do we lie about our anxiety? It starts with culture. In many societies, “staying strong” is a badge of honor. We’re taught early that admitting struggle equals weakness—whether it’s the “hustle culture” of offices that glorify overwork or the unspoken rule at family gatherings to “keep the peace.” As a result, “I’m fine” becomes a reflex.
Consider Mark, a 34-year-old teacher in Chicago. After a tough semester with behavioral challenges in his classroom, he brushed off colleagues’ concerns with “I’m fine!” for months. “I didn’t want to seem unprofessional,” he later shared. “But I was having panic attacks in the bathroom between classes.” He’s not alone. Most mental health clinics report that 60% of patients initially downplay their anxiety with phrases like “I’m just stressed” or “It’s no big deal” before opening up.
When “Fine” Sounds Like a Warning: Red Flags to Notice
Anxiety doesn’t vanish when we say “I’m fine”—it leaks out in small, telling ways. Learning to read these clues can help you (or someone you care about) catch anxiety before it builds.
Start with the body. Tension headaches, a racing heart, or trouble sleeping often tag along with a forced “fine.” Then there’s behavior: canceling plans last minute, zoning out in conversations, or overworking to avoid quiet time. Even our words give us away—short, clipped sentences (“Fine!”) or deflecting questions (“How about you?”) can signal we’re hiding something.
Industry research shows that people who frequently say “I’m fine” while showing these signs are 2.5 times more likely to experience burnout within a year. The good news? Once you spot the pattern, you can hit pause.
From “I’m Fine” to “I’m Actually…”: Small Steps to Honesty
Breaking the “fine” habit doesn’t mean dumping all your worries on the barista. It starts with tiny, honest phrases that feel safe. Instead of “I’m fine,” try “I’m a bit overwhelmed today” or “Work’s been tricky lately—how about you?” These small truths open doors: they let others support you, and they train your brain to accept that “not fine” is normal.
Many communities offer free or low-cost resources to practice this, like local mental health support groups or online workshops focused on emotional communication. Sarah, a 29-year-old nurse in Austin, joined one such group after her roommate noticed she’d started avoiding calls home. “At first, I felt silly saying, ‘I cried last night because I messed up a patient’s meds,’” she said. “But when everyone else shared similar fears, I realized ‘fine’ was just making me lonelier.” Six months later, she talks openly with her team, and her stress levels have dropped noticeably.
Conclusion
“I’m fine” isn’t evil—it’s a survival tool we’ve learned to use. But survival shouldn’t mean suffering in silence. The next time someone asks how you are, pause. Maybe say, “Honestly? Today’s been a lot.” You might be surprised: the world often feels lighter when we stop lying about how heavy it is. And who knows? Your honesty could give someone else permission to say, “Me too.”
